As a young mum; I really had no idea about breastfeeding and I really had not given it much thought whilst I was pregnant. I thought “yeah I’ll do that, looks easy enough.” I think my parents and people around me just assumed I would breastfeed because i was constantly told its “best”. Breastfeeding although a deeply personal choice is for some reason a public topic that people feel that have the right to ask a new mum about. Mums, for the most-part, will never do something that would hurt their bub. Mums make choices that are best for their situation; so if a mum decides to breastfeed or bottle feed they are doing it because that is the best choice for them and their bub; so stop making mums feel guilty!
I decided to breastfeed Jax but I wish someone would have told me that it isn’t easy. Once Jax was born he was thrown up on my chest and as soon as he was given the all clear from the pediatrician the nurses helped me feed Jax for the first time. Ouch!!! It was crazy how uncomfortable and painful feeding was. I was reassured that it would become easier soon and told to persist. Three days later, it was still painful. Nurses would come and watch me feed and try to get Jax and I in different positions to help because “it shouldn’t hurt if he has latched on properly”.
The truth is, even if your bub latches on fine, it will hurt for the first little bit. I used to dread feeding time. Every time Jax went to latch on I would clench. As he latched on I would jump and at times i would sit sobbing in pain as he feed. I kept on persisting and eventually it got easier but it took over a month before I got used to the sensation of a let down and the pain went away.
But just as the initial pain went away I was hit with the pain of oversupply. Jax fed so often that If i was away from him for more than an hour, my supply would build up and my boobs felt and looked like they were going to explode. The throbbing sensation from an oversupply is ridiculous. Like a toothache its a pain you can not ignore.
Then just as I felt like I had breastfeeding sorted I got the dreaded Mastitis. Holy Cow.What an experience. One boob became rock hard and extricating to touch. I was in bed for 2 days with a fever, sick as a dog. I was given anti-antibiotics and told to feed through the pain. Hands down the sickest I have ever ever been.
I ended up breast feeding Jax for a little over 6 months. I didn’t really decide to stop breast feeding Jax and I think I would of liked to have feed him for a little bit longer. After a weekend away from Jax, my supply dropped off and I started supplementing formula with breast until he was solely formula fed. It was a difficult period for me as I felt like I was now missing out on our little bonding sessions. When I breast fed him he would fall asleep in my arms; but now that he was bottle fed he didn’t need me to fall asleep and eventually he rejected me holding him altogether. Now he wont even let me hold his bottle or him when hes falling asleep; preferring to be completely self-sufficient.
In hindsight I’m glad I stuck it out and breastfed Jax but I completely understand why so many mums try breastfeeding and decide to bottle feed or choose to formula feed for the get-go. There is so so much pressure to breastfeed and i think its unnecessary. Mums should make the choice they want to make and not be guilted into breastfeeding. So many mums try so hard to breast feed and through no fault of their own bub just wont latch on properly or breastfeeding just isn’t practical for their situation. How dare anyone make a mum in this situation feel bad or inadequate. Breastfeeding is not easy and it isn’t for everyone. Whilst it might be “best” it isn’t the best for everyone and isn’t always best for bub.
Breastfeeding is impracticable when you need to monitor bubs milk intake and for many mums including myself it is super stressful trying to work out if your bub is getting enough milk. Breastfeeding also isn’t the most practical when in public or travelling. I know that mums have the right to breastfeed anywhere but from my perspective I didn’t want to feed just anywhere. I wasn’t comfortable with people seeing boobs whilst they were trying to have lunch, or do their shopping and didn’t want to do it around my dad, brother or partners family. So that meant that I spend hours and hours of my life sitting alone in a bedroom, car or parenting room breastfeeding in private. I was envious of the mums that bottle fed; who could feed their babies infront of anyone without getting funny looks or feeling awkward. I was envious of the mums who could get their partner’s to get up and help feed thier bubs in the middle of the night. For 6 months I was the one who had to get up to Jax because I was the only one who could feed him.
Now I know I could of expressed and stored milk and I did; but expressing milk is more tiring than breastfeeding. For me expressing took a long time to get used to and unless I was “in the mood” I couldn’t get my supply to let down. I’d sit there awkwardly pumping until I felt like my boobs were about to fall off and would only manage to get a lousy 20ml for my efforts.
Breastfeeding may be “best” but for heavens sake stop making mums feel guilty for their choices. The choice to breastfeed or bottlefeed is such a deeply personal decision that no one has any right to pass judgment over. I’m happy to help young mums who want to breastfeed. I’m happy to share advice or suggestions on how to make it easier. But I will never tell someone that breastfeeding is best.I think breastfeeding was best for me this time around. I really enjoyed it and I think in the end I’m glad that I stuck at it. But It is not always best for everyone and I really wish expectant mums would be told the truth : it isn’t as easy as it looks.
My Mummy is a Law Student 