Every Child Deserves a Parent. But Not Every Parent Deserves a Child!

A bond between mother and child is the most fundamental. Whilst I’ m the first to admit that the bond doesn’t always come naturally or easily; I’m yet to meet a mum who wouldn’t do anything to protect their child (even if they have struggled with post natal depression and bonding issues). That is what being a parent is. Putting your own needs and wishes aside and promoting those of your children. It’s not always easy or fun but being a parents is a privilege and it comes with responsibility.Unfortunately there are people out there who do not see parenting as a privilege or responsibility.

In May 2013 a young boy died at the hands of his neglectful and abusive mother and her boyfriend. Its one of those cases that I remember where I was when I heard it and I remember a sickening feeling as I heard the news story.I wasn’t even a mum then but for some reason this case just stuck in the back of my head. Only one other case has stuck with me like this one and last month this case was finally sentenced in a Sydney court.

Let me give you some back story. The 27 mother of three was allegedly a ‘good’ mother until she met her boyfriend. After moving in with her boyfriend things drastically changed. She adopted his cult like parenting views and implemented corporal punishment. The boy was neglected for months, starved and shown little affection. His siblings were encouraged to beat him. He was humiliated and broken; forced to eat his own waste or run until he could not run anymore. A disgusting four month stint of abuse finally ended when the little boy sustained fatal head and internal injuries. The little boy died scared and alone. His mother knew he was badly hurt and despite him being unresponsive and dying she went about her normal day as if nothing had happened and she never checked on him. She never attempted to save him. She was selfish and heartless and the lowest of low. When she eventually called the ambulance, she began an elaborate fabrication about the boy falling off a pogo stick to cover the truth. The woman only came clean to police when the lies began to unravel.

Honestly the full list of things this little boy was subjected to makes me physically sick. What sickens me the most is that this little boy was neglected, abused and eventually killed by the person he trusted the most- his mum. How on earth does this happen? I’m so angry this stuff happens in Australia. This stuff happens in the house next door and our government has done flip all to implement effective policy to stop it. This boy was 7, how did this boy fall through the cracks? Surely a teacher, doctor, neighbor noticed something?

What makes me equally sick is that this “mum” deserves nothing more than a life term in prison or a bullet. But thanks to the justice system and side room negotiations, the crown prosecution dropped the initial charges of neglect and murder and down graded the mothers charges to manslaughter. What’s worse; she received a 40% discount on the maximum manslaughter sentence because she showed some crocodile tears in court and agreed to testify against her scum, lowlife boyfriend. Pfft some justice that is.

So she receives a maximum period of 14 years with a non parole period of 10 and a half years. This isn’t near enough. A child lost his life at her hands. He trusted her to protect him and she killed him. She may not have delivered the fatal blow and may have many mental health issues of her own but that is no excuse. What this woman did is unacceptable and she does not deserve to come out and enjoy a life. She broke the most fundamental bond and manslaughter just doesn’t cut it here.

But whilst i believe the justice system has failed here; that is not my main point. My point is some people should not be parents. People can have children but that does not make them a parent.If you can’t be responsible and look after your child, if you can’t protect your child, if you cant be a parent then DO NOT have children. And if for some unknown reason you have a child or children and realize you are not a proper parent; then stop being selfish and at least have the decency to give them a fair go and find someone who will look after you child – to this end I really believe the Australian government need to pull their finger out and make adequate legislation to make adoption easier in Australia. IT just isn’t fair; there are so many deserving people out there who can’t have children and have to fight so damn hard to have a child or adopt and then there are woman like this who do not deserve children but can have them with ease.

Child neglect in Australia and things we can do to stop it

The level of child neglect in Australia is ridiculous in my opinion. I’m not sure if i just didn’t notice before I had my son; but i feel like every week I hear an appalling case of an innocent child being neglected or abused in the news. One case bought me to me knees and had such a profound impact on me that it prompted me to want to take action.

Due to a suppression order  I can not cite the  names of those involved but here is the link to an ABC news report on the case.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-10-28/boy-starved-by-parents-was-days-away-from-death/5847244

This case involves a father who had previously had a child removed by authorities in another state and somehow been allowed to care for a four year old in Victoria. The parents lived in a squalid house and locked their son in his room, piled high with dirty nappies, with no food or water for days. After a fortnight bender on cannabis and vodka, the mother actually called police to the house herself and invited police inside claiming domestic violence had occurred. Police came in to find rubbish waist high and a 4 year old locked in a room of filth, naked, shivering, malnourished and on the brink of death.

I’m sorry but what the hell is wrong with people?!! In what universe is it OK to lock your child up? In what universe is it OK to force a child to live in filth? If you want to live in filth or get high then that’s your choice and I have no issues. Great for you. But if you have a child then how dare you impose your shitty life choices upon them. I believe in the justice system but a mere 8 years punishment for what this father did and allowed to happen is not enough. The things i would do to these parents if I could lay my hands on them!!

It absolutely breaks my heart that this could happen in Australia and that monsters like this live in our communities. My son has so many people who love and care for him and this poor little boy didn’t have a single person who cared enough to protect him from this. No one cared enough to check on him after he wasn’t seen for a fortnight and based on the child’s health and mental state, being locked up wasn’t a once off. At the age of 4, this boys childhood has been stripped from him. He isn’t used to being outside, has terrible nightmares and his current foster parents have commented that no doors, even bathroom doors can be closed within their house or the boy starts screaming for fear of being locked up. I’m so upset that this happens in Australia. How can we let this happen and live with ourselves?

So in my outrage I decided that enough was enough and something needs to be done. But as a small town student, young mum and person of average means; what the hell could I do about it? Maybe not awful lot right now, but I’m going to do something. This story came out in October last year (2014) and since then I’ve thought about ways to make a positive change. So get ready for some politics and crazy ideas. This is what i believe needs to happen on a large scale and some small things that individuals can do:-

1. The hand needs to talk to the mouth

In today’s day and age, with the advances in technology there is no excuse for states not to be aware of child services and neglect cases in each state. A person should not be able to evade child service through moving states and legislation needs to become uniform across the board to remove loop holes.

2. A more regimented framework needs to be in place to monitor all children from ages 0-6years

From my experience as a mum I’ve realised that unless I volanterily take my child to day care and register them, no one cares or will check on my child. I register my child at birth and then nothing happens. A nurse did 2 house visits when Jax was a few weeks old to weigh him and check that I wasn’t suffering post-natal depression but after that no one has called or made me do anything with Jax. No one will force me or even tell me that I should take him to see a Doctor regularly or get Immunized. No one will come to my house and check on him unless there are a number of complaints. My point is that it is too easy for children to disappear off the grid between the ages 0-6, especially if you aren’t sending your child to care.

So I propose that there needs to be mandatory doctor/community health nurse checks for all children aged 0-6years. Ideally every 3 months. If your child isn’t checked into a doctor or nurse a system needs to automatically alert authorities and someone needs to go check on that child. Perhaps a fine needs to be issues if you fail to present your child. This fee would also help cover the financial strain (without raising taxes) on the health care system and government agencies that would be involved in this process.

But I know what you thinking. This is a bit idealistic and would be super hard to implement. I admit this plan has flaws but out government needs to stand up and do something and stop putting things in the “too-hard” basket. This plan would require the health care system to be capable of taking on this extra work load and at present it isn’t ready for such a strain. But this isn’t a deal killer. If the health care system can not cope with this strain than the government could sub contract out this job. Yes people, im talking privatizing a sector of the health care/ child services system. This would get the job done without stressing our main health care system and would create new jobs without raising Taxes.

The other main flaw is that it could be argued that such strict and regimented checks would be a gross imposition upon a person’s rights and freedoms. As a budding young Lawyer I’m all about freedom of rights BUT not at the expense of children’s rights. I’m sorry but in my opinion the freedom of rights argument is null and void. The rights of children trump all other rights. I know this is a bit of a means to an end argument but If personal freedoms are restricted or your a little inconvenienced and this saves a few children’s lives then it is all worth it in my opinion.

3. More people need to become foster parents

So I’m not a foster parent yet but Nick & I are currently discussing it and as soon as we are more financially able, we intend to be foster parents. Why? Child services may be aware of thousands of complaints and need to relocate thousands of children and its all good for us to sit here and complain that the rate of child neglect is because DOCs/child services don’t do a good job. But how can child service remove children from their neglectful homes if there is nowhere for children to go.

Almost anyone can be a foster parent. I’m not suggesting its easy or something to be taken lightly but if your passionate about helping children, as I am, you should at-least consider it.

4. Fundraising & Volunteer

So, since I’m not quite ready to become a foster parent  or politician just yet; the above ways to help aren’t suitable to me just yet. But i am currently working on plans to fundraiser to help my local foster parenting agency and I currently volunteer with Australian Childhood Foundation as part of the ‘Not Another Child’ campaign. Little things like sharing a hashtag can help generate attention to a campaign  and charities and foundations are more than happy to hear from you and accept any help your willing to give; be it little or big.

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So to sum up, there is no excuse for the rates of child neglect in Australia that are steadily rising. Something needs to be done and excuses need to be put aside to make it right. Every person can make a difference. I’m just one little person that currently has a small reach but one day I hope to get into politics and make bigger changes. But for now, I will continue doing what I can.