Children’s gift ideas that aren’t toys

When I was pregnant and in the first few months of my son’s life; i was so excited. I spent so much time and effort decorating his little nursery and buying him cute odds and ends; and lets not forget all the toys i got him in anticipation of him being big enough to play with them. On top of this my friends and family have been so generous to Jax and he goes without nothing. He was more toys then i have places to put them. My house is largely overrun with children’s toys, which is sad when he likes the TV remote and a piece of raggedy old string more than any of his toys.

So now that Jax and all his lil buddies have birthdays and many upcoming Christmases, I’m faced with a dilemma. What on God’s green earth do you buy children if not toys? I’ve come up with a few neat solutions and ideas.

1. Personalized Books

I know books are the obvious choice if you are avoiding buying children toys. I am a huge fan of buying children books and taking every opportunity to put down the technology and read to your kids.  But i know that a lot of people (my mum included) think that books are educational and perhaps not the funnest gift to give or receive. But in recent years the era of personalized books has solved this problem.

Nothing and i repeat nothing gets children more excited than seeing their name on the cover of the book; as if it were made for them and about them. I’ve found a great site called ‘tinyme’  (http://www.tinyme.com.au/)  that sells personalized baby products and their line of personalized books are amazing. Amazing quality, with an educational but fun story line that not only has your child’s name on the cover but has your child’s name written into the story. Your bub is the star of the story. Australian Adventure is my favorite of the ‘Tiny Me’ tales and at around $25.00 I think they are amazing.

2.  Wooden Name Block Puzzles

I am a real fan of these awesome name puzzle blocks. These are also a product of ‘Tiny Me’ and are absolutely gorgeous quality. I’m a sucker for anything educational and i think this is a great way to help your child learn to spell and recognize their name. The quality of this item ensures that it is a keepsake that you or your child could keep and would last the test of time. They are personalized for your child and you can pick the symbols, colors and style; meaning you will have a truly unique and affordable gift to give.

3. Grass Heads

A friend actually gave Jax one of these in a party goody bag and i thought it was an great and unique gift. I remember having a grass head as a child. Unfortunately i was a bit too keen with the scissors and never let my grass head grow luscious hair. I really love grass heads.They are a truly fun and visual way to show children the process of life and that things like grass and plants take time to grow and need to be cared for. You and your bub can take care of the grass head. Most importantly grass heads teach children patience (something I didn’t have). That they need to be patient for the grass to grow before they can enjoy cutting and styling the grass.

4. A Veggie Patch

I love the little raised garden beds that are available at hardware/gardening stores or can be easily made. i think bringing the bed up to the child’s level really helps them connect and is a little easier for adults who need to come down to the child’s level. I also love painting the bed bright colors or making a bed shaped like a boat, as it is a great way to engage children. But while fancy or raised garden beds are an added extra; I think a simple, cheap and great gift is simply to give plants or seeds that can grow with your child. A little veggie patch is a great way to keep children outside and show them that food doesn’t come from the packet and to encourage a healthy and sustainable lifestyle from an early age. It is also an excellent way to bond with your children, teach them responsibility and a great distraction from all the technology that looms indoors.

5. Buy Tickets to a parents movie session

The movies can be a great interactive experience for children and a place that i have rarely seen since having Jax. I miss the movies. I dare not ever take him to a regular movie. But cinemas are starting to cater for parents and children and are now running sessions (usually one day a week) where they run child friendly films, keep the room lit so you can see what your doing, turn the bass and music down and in general make it a baby and child friendly environment. Your child can make noise, cry and be feed and no one will judge you or hush you out of the cinema. Some of the bigger cinemas in metropolitan areas also offer parent booths. This is a soundproof booth at the back of the cinema so your baby can scream, be breastfeed in private and the kids can run around; all while you watch your movie without inconveniencing anyone else.  I love this gift. Not only is it a new experience for bub but is a little gift for parents who need to take time for them and look after themselves. This is an important point i learn’t at mothersgroup; you can only be a good parent if you look after you. Sadly, most parents don’t take time for them or don’t know that parent movies exist; so definitely keep it in mind as a gift.

6. Annual Zoo Membership

Another interactive, fun and educational idea is to buy children a annual membership or pass to the Zoo. Zoos have programs especially in school holidays and weekend that are aimed to entertain and educate children. Whilst most Zoo’s are actually free for children;  consider buying a pass for the parents so they can take the children and this is a gift that the whole family can enjoy. A pass is an excellent idea because it works out so much cheaper if you go a few times a year and can be a super educational and family experience. Having a pass also allows families to go just for a few hours and get home for nap time; without the guilt of wasting their money for only an hour or two at the Zoo.  I can not wait to take Jax to the Zoo and show him first hand what a lion, zebra and monkey look like, sound like and smell like. I just think experiences like this are invaluable. It is actually a reasonably affordable gift and could be given as a Christmas present to the whole family. I suggest doing some research and shopping around but I really like this deal from http://www.zoo.org.au/members  . This allows annual unlimited access to multiple zoos across Australia and discounts on the zoo merchandise.

Annual passes to a museums or quest-icon could also be great ideas depending on the age and interest level of the child.

8. Learn to Swim Lessons

Invaluable and Priceless!! I can not stress how important it is that children at a very young age know water safety and how to survive in the water. Babies as young as a few month can take swim lessons and learn how to float on their back if they fall in. Exposure to water at an early age will not only increase the chances of your child or loved ones child being safe in the water but will prevent any chronic fear of water that can be hard to shift as they get older. Swim classes can be a bit expensive (but worth it) so consider asking your family and friends to pitch in for a group present and definitely do some research and check the credentials of the swim instructors in your area. Lessons can often be organised with the local pool.

Hope these ideas help and give you some inspiration to think outside the box when gift giving and not to resort to toys. Enjoy 🙂

Jax is ONE today! – reminiscing about the day I gave birth

It’s Jax’s first birthday! I can not even begin to describe how I’m feeling. I can’t believe it’s been a year already but in the same breathe I don’t remember what life was like without him. It’s been such an enormous week for my little family. I returned to work on Monday and have now spent three days at work, away from my little man. Jax spent three full days in daycare and NOW its his first birthday. I’m overwhelmed with memories of the past year. I’m so proud of my husband and the father he has become and I’m so proud of myself for surviving the first year of motherhood.

As i write this Im looking at the time and thinking about where my labour was up to at this exact minute last year. At 6.40pm 20th March 2014 I got to meet this beautiful boy that I have now spent a full year with. He has stolen my heart completely.

But as my thoughts dwell to my labour, I’m reminded how lucky I was. I almost didn’t have Jax. Jax’s birth was beautiful but imperfect. I had a rough labour and a complication that I wasn’t expecting or educated about and I’d like to share my experience. While my story is a little off-putting, I really don’t want anyone to be scared by it. I have told some of my close friends this story and they look at me horrified. That’s not my intention. I look back on it as a good memory. I mean, childbirth is scary and painful and ridiculously exhausting but id do it again and its an experience I’m looking forward to going through again one day; when we eventually decide to make jax a little brother or sister. Despite my labour and childbirth having complications, i look back on it with a smile and it just makes me cuddle Jax a little harder each night.

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At 12.05am I woke on a warm and humid March night to a crazy sensation. I felt like I had wet the bed to put it bluntly. I jumped up and waddled to the en-suite bathroom. I sat on the toilet for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure but i thought my waters might have broken and I was so nervous and scared that I was actually shaking. I composed myself, stood up and went back into the bedroom to wake up Nick. His response was “Are you sure? What do you mean your waters broke?!” I was due in 2 days time so I was a little taken-aback that he wasn’t at all expecting this.

We were organised and had bags ready and our plan was to calmly do everything. But we were both so frazzled. Nick was ridiculous. He jumped out of bed, scrambled for clothes and started erratically doing jobs that really didn’t need to be done right now. For example he felt that he really needed to feed our fish right then at 12.10am and put washing up away.

But after a few minutes I managed to wrangle Nick in and we found a moment of calm to sit and ring the hospital. We live in rural Australia and I was overweight while I was pregnant so I wanted to give birth at a bigger hospital with specialists and the best facilities; but this hospital was over an hour away. So I had to go to our local hospital to get cleared to travel. What ensued was an uncomfortable check and the deflating news that although my waters had broke, I was no where near dilated enough to warrant being in hospital yet. So they sent me home and told me to get some sleep and travel to the bigger hospital in the morning.

I did not sleep a wink. I slowly started to get contractions and became more and more petrified. I remember how much adrenaline I had at this stage and as the contractions got stronger and closer I realized I couldn’t wait until morning to go. At 4.30am I again woke Nick up and told him I had to go.

The car trip was horrific. I don’t remember looking at the road. I spent the entire hour and ten minutes checking the clock and timing each minute and second of each contraction. The trip was the most painful and uncomfortable experience. I do not recommend it. Each bump was so so uncomfortable.But upon reaching the hospital i was admitted quickly and again told that despite my close contractions; they were irregular and I had a long way to go.

At 9am I was moved into a birth suite, given gas, and hooked up to a contraction monitor. I was constantly reminded to walk to move the process along. Contractions got worse and closer and closer. But little progress was happening. I couldn’t believe how painful this was and I was only just beginning active labour.

Hours passed. Nurses kept telling me to walk, move and stay hydrated and occasionally examined me. I felt disgusting at this point. I was getting tired and frustrated at how long this was taking. The gas was good but it didn’t take any pain away, just distracted me a little from it and it was making me so dry and hoarse.

By 3pm I wanted an epidural but was warned that this could slow labour down further. So I waited, but was given a needle for relieve the pain.I remember being so tired and hungry. I wanted to eat but my contractions were beginning to roll into one another. One would end and just as quickly another would begin. By the time i went to take a bite of a sandwich, a contraction would start and i I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but suck on gas. I also remember getting cranky with Nick for doing this do me and telling him that we would adopt next time.

A bit before 5pm, Nick signed consent and I had an epidural. I remember being super calm about it. It was a weird sensation. I think at this point I just wanted it over with. I wasn’t scared about the needle or dangers of epidural; which I now find weird because I was very scared about it leading up to my due date. It’s funny how your priorities change when your in the moment.

It didn’t take too long before my epidural had kicked in and I was feeling relief. I couldn’t move and had a catheter put in; which i found humiliating.  I could still feel the tightness of the contractions but the intense pain was now numbed. After hours of being on gas and morphine, I have to admit that I was feeling a little out of it and sleepy. But  something wasn’t right.  Nurses kept examining me and instead of the jovial remarks and encouraging conversations; they seemed worried. Things were still progressing too slowly and they told me that Jax was posterior. I’d been told that he was posterior in an earlier exam but ensured that he would probably turn as he dropped down and that it wasn’t anything to worry about. He hadn’t turned!!

It was now too late to have a cesarean. My slight concern turned to absolute panic. Doctors were concerned that Jax was in distress so put a heart-rate monitor on his skull and two pediatricians were called into the room. Just as Doctors were preparing for me to start pushing, Jax’s heart-rate plummeted. The long labour was becoming too much for Jax and he was now in real distress.  The entire tone on the room changed. It went from “Come on Darling, you can do this.. Push. Push” to “Jess this is really serious. You  need to push right NOW!” Alarms started going of and staff rushed into the room.

Jax was stuck and in distress. I didn’t know if he would make it. I started to push. It felt so intense. There was so much pressure. That’s the best and only word I can find for how it felt. It was painful but because of the epidural it wasn’t a pain that totally consumed my thoughts anymore. I’m so glad I got an epidural. I had to focus on getting Jax out and I think that if I had forgone an epidural and been in as much pain as I was a few hours ago, I wouldn’t of been able to concentrate or stay calm enough to push properly.

Doctors used forceps and cut me open. They told me what they were doing as they did it. They were using so much force to pull jax out.  Forceps didn’t work; so they attempted using the suction vacuum cup. The Doctor yanked so hard that the cup broke and went flying, nearly hitting Nick in the head. A second suction cup was used, forceps were tried again and I was cut further.

Finally, after an enormous amount of pulling, pushing and panic, Jax was born and thrown up onto my chest momentarily before being whisked away.

Jax was born at 6.40pm on 20th March 2014, weighing 3430grams and 56cm. Despite being in distress, his heart-rate recovered quickly after childbirth and he was otherwise a healthy little boy.

Oh my God. Relief. Not relief because the pain was over, but pure relief that Jax was alive. The pediatrician gave him a thorough check and he was finally allowed back on my chest . He was beautiful. Super gross and covered in muck but oh my gosh, I have never seen anything so beautiful. His poor head was a mess. The vacuum and forceps had bruised him and cut him and because babies’ skulls are soft, the vacuum had kind of sucked his skull out of shape. He probably wasn’t very pretty to look at but I thought he was gorgeous.

Such a ridiculous experience. It was scary but humbling. In retrospect, I wish I could go back to pregnant me and tell myself to stop sweating the stupid stuff (like being scared I would fart in front of the nurses or being scared about an episiotomy) because that stuff doesn’t matter and in the moment you just won’t care. It’s the big picture that matters. I came so close to loosing Jax. Minutes, maybe seconds, were the difference between having my healthy baby and loosing him. Thinking back just makes me appreciate every second, every minute, every day with Jax; because every second is crucial and counts.

Happy birthday my beautiful boy. I love you so much. I wish you the world and look forward to another amazing year.

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Was your baby planned? Generic question or passing judgment?

Im not sure when it became ok to ask people such invasive questions. But when i unexpectedly fell pregnant I realized that people considered my personal space and general privacy to be second-rate. But a question that really really bothered me was, “So did you plan your baby?”  Nurses, other mums and random strangers initiating conversation would always slip this question is, just after the pleasantries.

Are you kidding me!? I was 22. I  wasn’t married and hadn’t lived with my boyfriend for that long. I hadn’t finished studying. I wasn’t working. We rented a house we could barely afford. I drove an old commodore. Of Course i didn’t plan to bring my son into the world so unprepared.

My son was not planned and every time i got asked this question I felt like i was some how not as good or that my pregnancy was not as special as the mums that had planned their child.  My son is about to turn 1 and people still ask me if he was planned. Its just insulting.

I’m sure most people mean absolutely no offense by the question, but it leads me to think why people ask this question. Is it because its just a generic question like “how many weeks are you?” or is there an underlying and perhaps more sinister reason some people ask. Are people really passing judgement and assessing me as a human being and mother based on how my child was convinced? I think, Yes.

As a young mum and with close friends who are also young mums, a feeling of constantly being judged is really a huge issue in my option. I felt that nearly everyone was looking at me and i don’t think many people were saying “oh that’s amazing news that Jess is having a baby”. I think most people were saying ” silly girl, shes ruined her life and isn’t ready to be a mum”.  I think people are asking so they can pass judgement.

I know that a lot of people look at young mums and feel pity and even judgment towards us. I know this because i was one of those people. I used to think that there were so many things that people should go out and experience before settling down and that having children would restrict you. I believed that young mums were throwing their lives away and that it was a waste of the best years of their lives. But im here to say, stop passing judgment. Stop passing pity or thinking that I’ve done myself a disservice.

When people are at the end of their lives. What do you think they are most proud of and wish they had more time for? The years in their twenties that they spend partying and having fun or the years they spent with their children and families. I put to you that most people, in the end do not care so much about the years out partying and having fun because being a parent is far more fulfilling. I may have missed out on doing some things, but i no longer feel sorry for myself. I’m happy and I want other young mums to know that having a family young may be a little speed bump but you can still do everything you wanted to do, albeit with a little more effort. Letting your child stop you is an excuse you impose upon yourself.

Id like to end my very first post with something a saw in my pinterest feed that just spoke to me:

A young boy asked his mother:  “How old were you when you had me?”

The mother replied . “23”

The little boy was amazed. “Wow, that’s a lot of time we missed spending together.”

I’m one of the lucky ones who got to meet my son earlier and spend so much more time than i had ever planned with him. He’s made me a better person. Id still be out partying and just living day to day if it wasn’t for Jax. Because of Jax I have found this sense of pride in myself. I want to do great things to make him proud and to give him the life he deserves.

So next time you go to ask someone, “Was your baby planned?”, stop and think why you are really asking and consider what this question means to a mum, especially if they are a young mum like me.